Mind Over Matter

I have been in the post-college workforce for just over five years.  In that time, I've virtually proven that the mind is capable of telling the body what to do.  There have been times that I've sustained 70-hour work weeks for a month in a row.  There was a time when I was working full-time, working part-time, going to school part-time, and dating the girl who would become my wife.  I've pressed forward with volunteer activities, mission travel, church involvement, family commitments, and laid 10 hours a week of school over the top of all of it.  And through it all, every time my body said, "Enough, I'm tired!" I would tell it, "You don't have time to be tired, get to work."  And I pressed on, sometimes finding in myself superhuman strength to work harder than I ever thought possible.  And I'm here to tell you that it worked.  I was able to forbid my body to feel tiredness.  And I was able to accomplish a lot.  A whole lot.

But that isn't the whole story.  There's a price to be paid for living this way.  The price of forbidding your body to feel fatigue is that your body learns to accept fatigue as "normal."  It's a constant struggle to get up in the mornings, even on days when you're looking forward to your activities.  Things blur into an unrecognizable mass of activities until you don't feel fully present at any of them.  Memories slip away, or are never formed, and there is a danger of missing the potential for amazing experiences.  Furthermore, friends slip away, as they perceive that you don't have time for them, and you never quite find the time to deepen that friendship that you're just beginning.  Family events become a burden, and you start to get cynical toward people around you that seem to stand in the way of getting done what you're trying to get done.  Even if you love everything you're doing, and I do, the price gets paid daily.

I don't pay this price gladly.  I do not regret all that I've accomplished and learned in the past five years, but I certainly regret paying the price.  I wish I had made more time for friends, family, and relationships.  I do know that this is a temporary condition.  School will be over in about a year and not having that constant burden hanging over me will be a life-changer.  In the meantime, I've learned that I am capable of far more than I think I am.  I've also learned that my mind has a great deal of power over my body.  I've also learned that I don't want to live this way.  I want to balance work, worship, rest, and play each day.  It's time to take a break!