Time To Grow Up!

Growing up is hard to do!  I'm 29 years old and somehow it doesn't feel quite like I could be old enough to be a grown-up.  Am I really an adult?  Surely I am, but it must be something peculiar about our society that someone who has lived nearly three decades can not quite feel like an adult.

If you're up for a longer, more academic read, I'd recommend The Art of Manliness' recent blog post on "The Rise and Fall of the Secret Society of Adults".  For the majority of you who won't read it, here's a quick summary.  For much of human history, childhood didn't entirely exist - kids were simply miniature, deficient adults until they were fully capable of doing all the things adults can do.  However, at some point, children began to be seen as something to be nurtured and taught, and there became a separation between children and adults.  Adults dressed differently, talked differently, and understood things that children couldn't.  In very recent times, however, things have reversed to where once again there is little distinction between children and adults, but this time it's the other way around: adults now are just like kids but bigger and older.  The author has a point - adults now dress like kids, talk like kids, and rarely grasp at complex subjects.

It's hard to say whether people are right who say that adolescence is a 20th century invention, but the term certainly seems to be.  Once upon a time, however, a child who had hit puberty was basically an adult.  Teenage years are now spent in school and under the authority of parents.  Many youth now spend up to age 22 or 23 in school, with college, few living what could be seen as a marginally independent or self-sufficient life.  The rise of "boomerang" kids who continue to live dependent on their parents after college and the growing confusion of my generation as to exactly what we want to do with our lives means that it's not uncommon for people nearly 30 to be still unmarried, on a murky career path, financially insecure, and largely immature.  I'm certainly not blaming anyone or even saying that there's anything inherently wrong with this system.  After all, when life expectancy is 50 you have to grow up much faster.  When it's 80 you can take your time.  I merely want to point out that growing up is vastly delayed in our society from where it was even 100 years ago.

I do feel, however, that there is still inherent value in growing up, whenever it does happen.  I don't believe it makes sense to bring down all of society to an 8th grade level.  Who doesn't recognize a certain bit of beauty in the powerful orations of history from men who spoke at a highly educated level?  Isn't there still some reverence for those who can read and learn from works of literature more advanced than Hunger Games?  I ought to take the moment to tangentially say that I don't mean to venerate adulthood at the expense of having a youthful heart.  It was just last week that my coworkers and I took a break to invent games involving a miniature soccer ball and an empty trash can in our office.  You can grow up without giving up fun and frivolity.

Why grow up, however?  What's the value to society in having adults who are grown up?  In other words, why shouldn't all of society dumb down to the lowest common denominator?  Firstly, I believe the qualities of adulthood are highly valuable to society.  A developed sense of personal responsibility, greater self-control, a desire and capacity to contribute meaningfully to the world, and expanded maturity for leadership and wisdom are just a few of these qualities.  Secondly, as the aforementioned wisely note in another post (most of the way down), you can't have an entire society dumbed down - somebody still has to get things done.  The world of childhood, adolescence, and young adulthood is only possible because of the world of adulthood.  Thirdly, because although we have all sometimes remembered our youth fondly and longed for days when we could relax without a care in the world, being an adult is immensely satisfying.  Making a positive contribution to the world, taking care of business, learning about and mastering complex subjects, and serving those around us are benefits of adulthood that we miss if we remain in the comparatively "easy" world of childhood.

I'm interested in what kind of things are part of this growing up process.  There aren't a lot of resources available for people to learn how to grow up.  You kind of have to go searching for it.  For example, I decided a couple of years ago that it was worthwhile for its own sake to dress like an adult (getting married and actually having the money to buy real clothes was elemental to this point, as well).  I "dress up" for work, parties, and events without anyone expecting me to, and you'll probably have a hard time seeing me in public without a collared shirt of some sort.  Why?  I am an adult, and my clothing both has an impact on me and on the people who come into contact with me.  When I'm dressed like an adult, I behave like an adult, and people perceive me as an adult.  Dressing like an adult doesn't make me an adult any more than sitting in a garage makes me a car, but these sorts of details are like individual puzzle pieces to a great collage.

What other things are helpful to the growing up process?  Trying to spend more time in the company of people older than I am is probably a key part of it.  Trying to learn how to have adult conversations is necessary.  Reading literature and following current events are two other things that I'm trying to do.  These things, I believe, help to reclaim a bit of the "secret society" of adulthood.  I'm also conscious of how I spend my free time.  While many in my generation are playing video games, I am learning things, working on my house, volunteering, and spending time socially.  I'm ready to grow up and start to work on a new definition of what it means to be an adult in our new Western society!