One More Thing

After having applied some of the things that I purported to have learned a little over a year ago, I can now say that there is one more thing to add to that list of things I have learned:

• She was worth the wait and the hard work to get here
  

Prayers, Week Ten

Father, I thank you for your love for me. It's humbling to realize that you think of me so highly. It's amazing. I am beginning to realize that your love for me is shown partly in how you make me a priority and focus on me. I always assumed that you loved me, but really wanted to use me to reach the world. You wanted to use me as your hands and feet. And you do, but before you do that you want to love me and make me the first priority. Thank you, God! I am blown away. God, I want to step back and realize that fact and live in the comfort of knowing that you are primarily concerned about working in me before working through me.

Prayers, Week Nine

Father, I have to thank you for the self-discovery that you've worked in my life since my transition began in 2008. I am so grateful to You for helping me to see myself more clearly and to know myself more clearly. Thank you for stripping away false selves and helping me to see who I really am, and more importantly, to accept myself as I really am! Lord, as I recognize my true self more clearly, it is beginning to show me what my long-term calling is. I am grateful to You for beginning to show me bits and pieces of that. I hope to continue growing in that understanding and awareness, and I ask you to continue to help me along in this process. I need Your grace as I learn about myself and Your peace as I accept myself as I am and stop trying to be somebody else. Please show me more and more clearly each day what my vocation is.

Prayers, Week Eight

Lord, I felt very convicted when I read of how our pet peeves often point to the false self that we project of ourselves. The most convicting one to me was despising laziness in others because I too-highly value productivity and discipline. This is true of me, I believe. I highly value personal responsibility and productivity, and get annoyed with others when they do not do what I perceive that they should be doing. God, I want to live out of my being rather than my doing. Thank you for your gift to me of a high level of productivity and personal work-ethic. Help me to maintain that while living out of being rather than doing. Help me to bear with others in their weaknesses and encourage them constructively. Help me to value the beingness of others and see the values that they have. God, help me to recognize my own false selves so that I can cast them at your feet! Grant me the peace to be other than my own self-image!

Prayers, Week Seven

Father, I know that illusions are a hard thing for any leader. We always think more highly of ourselves than we ought to. God I know that in the past I have carried around many illusions of myself, from trying to project a personality that I don't actually have to thinking that I'm an expert in things that I have no experience in. I repent of that haughtiness and pride and I ask you to help me overcome it. Over the past couple of years you have allowed me to be humbled, and although it has been hard I thank you for the powerful lesson. Please continue to show me my true identity as it is found in You. I want to be around people who will be honest with me and will be a mirror to show me myself, because I know that others can often see things about me that I can't see myself. Thank you that you have crafted me just exactly the way that You meant to, and that I am wonderfully made. Thank you that you are continually breaking down self-illusions and showing me my true identity.

Prayers, Week Six

God, it is so humbling to know how deeply you love me. Every time I discover more depth to your love, I'm amazed. I keep getting new insights to it. Thank you!! It's amazing to know that you're so committed to our relationship that you'll do whatever it takes for its sake. It's awesome to know that you love me so much that it doesn't matter what I do or who I am, you're going to love me just the same amount. Father, you know all of my imperfections. You know every sin that I have. You know all the ugly things about me, even the things that I try to hide from myself. The things that I am completely ashamed of, you know fully well. And you still continue to love me! What's more, you long to penetrate deeper and deeper into my being, knowing that it means uglier things will come to light. God, while it's painful, I want to expose these things to you. I want you to know about them so that you can change them. I do want to grow, from the inside out, and I'm relying on You to do that. Thank you for knowing me deeply and loving me deeply, and for meeting me where I am and getting deeper into my identity!

Prayers, Week Five

Father, thank you for how you reveal yourself to us. I am so excited by the concepts in this book about daydreaming on You and experiencing You through Scripture. I've never thought about that before. God, I do confess that often my knowledge of You is more intellectual than experiential. I know a lot about You, God. I have had experiences with You, but I want more. I want to experience You on a daily basis, feeling You with me throughout the day, sensing Your movement with every decision or dilemma that I might come across. God I need Your presence in my life, and I need Your guidance. You say that Your sheep will know Your voice, well I want to know Your voice. I want to know You in a deeper and more intimate way that goes beyond words and knowledge to a true and deep understanding of You. Draw me in, God!!

Prayers, Week Four

Father, I want to know you more. And after reading this, I want to know myself more, although I am afraid of what I may find. Yet as I consider it, I know that I already have a sense of the deeper things about myself. I hear them in the side comments of friends and coworkers, and the way that people treat me, and the things that come to mind when I am in solitude. Lord, I desperately need your help to grow. I want to draw closer to You and be more intimate with You, even if it means revealing things about myself that I won’t like. Only promise to walk with me through those challenging times, and promise to help me grow through them and become more like Jesus. Lead my introspection – without your leading, I may tend to ignore things, or I may tend to be too brooding or wallowing in pity. Lead my introspection in a way that will be beneficial to me and to my leadership.

Prayers, Week Three

Father, help me to see people as You see them. You have given to each special gifts, to be used for Your glory and Your kingdom. You gave Deborah special leadership ability and wisdom, and you gave Jael cunning and the strength to defeat Sisera. God help me to see the gifts that you have given to people, even if they be hidden or if others fail to see them. Help me to see the plans that You have for people and lead me in developing that potential in people.

Prayers, Week Two

God, I am seeking your destiny for my life. I feel like I am steadily discovering pieces of it here and there, from what path my career may take, to what my gift mix is, to who I want to spend the rest of my life with, but I am still seeking your plan for my days. It seems that I am still drawn in many directions at once. There are many questions - how will I make money, what ministry will I commit to for the long haul, how much traveling overseas will I do, will my career be in full-time ministry or will I be in management of a ministry....I don''t know the answers to any questions. But Father, I know that You do, and I want your plans to be fulfilled in my life. I don''t need to have control over my life. I don't need to have a say in its direction. All I want is for Your will to be done. I want you to do whatever you want in me and through me. I only ask you to walk with me each step of the way, guiding me and sustaining me. I know that you will reveal my destiny to me bit by bit, and I am excited to see what it is.

Prayers, Week One

Prayers from the last 10 weeks, this post and the following 10.....

Week One: God, I need more and more of you in my life. I need to be reminded of the truly important things in life - being a good man, a good friend, a man after Your heart. Lord, I need to spend more time with You. I need more solitude, more silence, and more communion time with You alone. I need to hear from You more, and I need to speak to You more as I pour out my heart. God, help me to see what activities need to be cleared out of my schedule so that I can create more margins in my life. In the margins, You are more able to operate. Speak to me and work in me. Father, I feel myself drawing closer to you as I redirect my life toward You. I feel You leading me and working powerful things in my life, and I''m thankful. Renew in me a fresh love for You that pulls me inescapably toward You.